So Different Now
by EvilRegalGleek
Summary: Takes place after ending of Cricket Game. Regina sad. NOT SwanQueen.


Curled up in the backseat of her car. Alone. This was the only place Regina was welcome anymore. She wasn't safe in her house now that Snow, Charming, and Emma all thought she killed Archie, and damned if she was about to ask Granny for a room right now.

Unable to sleep, she pulled herself into a sitting position and switched on the radio, hoping it would play something that might distract her. She glanced around quickly to see if anyone had noticed her there, then laid herself back down, resting her cheek on the cook of her elbow and pulling a flimsy blanket over her head.

The look on Henry's face as she'd seen Emma tell him the news flashed before her eyes and twisted her heart. Exactly three people in this world had ever loved her, _really_ loved her. Only one was left alive, and he no longer cared. No one cared.

Regina felt like a beached whale left to die. The words of the next song that played on the radio washed over her like waves.

_There was a time when men were kind  
When their voices were soft  
And their words inviting_

Three-year-old Regina giggling as her daddy scooped her up into his arms and carried her outside and tackled her to the ground. Between laughs, Regina caught her mother's look of disapproval over Henry's shoulder. Lord Henry didn't notice. He just picked up Regina, smiling, and brought her over to the stables for her first look at a newborn foal. Gently, he explained to her why it's legs were so spindly and it's ears so big. Regina hung onto his every word.

_There was a time when love was blind  
And the world was a song  
And the song was exciting_

Henry took his little daughter's hand and led her back to the house for teatime. "A lady never misses her teatime," he said. The words didn't scare her yet back then. Regina beamed. As they departed the stables, Regina glanced back to take one last look at the horses, and she could have sworn she saw a figure just a bit taller than her own that looked a bit like her father. Was that a _boy_? She'd never seen one.

_There was a time  
Then it all went wrong_

Then the sting of Cora's disapproving slap across Regina's face when they got inside. Her little body shook as her father's attempt at protecting her resulted in him being flung against the wall with his mouth sealed shut. They were never to be late for teatime again, Cora said. Regina was never to go near the stables again, Cora said. Regina was never to leave Cora's sight again.

_I dreamed a dream in time gone by  
When hope was high  
And life worth living_

Fourteen-year-old Regina, screaming her lungs out. Her horse was running away from her. She couldn't stop it. An arm reached out and grabbed her waist, pulling her to safety. She felt and landed there in the dewey green grass, in the arms of the one she adored so much. He pulled her up to rest her head on his shoulder for a moment. Then their lips met.

_I dreamed that love would never die  
I dreamed that God would be forgiving_

Sixteen-year-old Regina lying between two blankets on the feed shed, every part of her lover's body caressing every part of hers. "We can't keep doing this, Daniel," she whispers softly. "What if I get pregnant?"

He smiles. "I suppose then I'd be forced to marry you."

She lets him pull her close and kiss her head and snuggle her until she falls asleep. In her dream, she is holding his hand at the top of a grassy hill surrounded by horses and wildflowers, wearing the most beautiful white dress in all the land, her proud father standing nearby wiping tears from his eyes. When she wakes, she is hating herself for how badly she wishes her mother died giving birth to her.

_Then I was young and unafraid  
And dreams were made and used and wasted  
There was no ransom to be paid  
No song unsung, no wine untasted_

The makeshift engagement ring slid onto her finger more perfectly than any diamond could have. Her face lit up brighter than the sun as she let him pull her in, feeling his warmth against her. She knew it was naïve, but she let herself believe that this could work. That there was somewhere on this earth that Cora would never find her. There _had_to be.

_But the tigers come at night  
With their voices soft as thunder_

"You could have at least left a note."

Regina's hopes crashed as she and the love of her life fell to the barn floor.

"Stay strong, Regina."

She clung onto his words like a raft in the middle of the ocean. But to no avail.

_As they tear your hope apart  
As they turn your dream to shame_

Cora's slimy hand reaching into his chest. The sound it made when his heart was pulled out, and then crushed. That soft sound burned itself in Regina's mind for eternity as her body sank to the ground and she let her sobs swallow her whole. He was gone. He was gone.  
_  
He slept a summer by my side  
He filled my days with endless wonder_

"Rumpelshtiltskin, I summon thee."

Those words formed Regina's last hope that would become her biggest regret. She was already a little disturbed by who she was becoming. She hated King Leopold for wanting to marry her. She hated that _precious_ Snow even more. She hated Cora more than she knew how to express. Actually, she hated her whole world. And this man…this twisted little slim-skinned gap-toothed fast-talking imp, was offering to change it. Hesitantly, she accepted his gift of a magic mirror. Then the magic book. Then magic itself. Little by little, she let him become her whole world.

_He took my childhood in his stride  
But he was gone when autumn came_

Regina let her head rest on Daniel's lifeless chest and let all her sobs come out. Her heart was begging to hear his beating and feel his chest rising and his fingertips brush hers. It never happened. It never would. Right now, The Dark One was the only one who seemed to care about her life. So she gave it to him. Which was exactly what he wanted. He twisted her soul until it was unrecognizably shattered. Enough for her to enact the dark curse. She realized when she did it that he _must_ be looking to gain something from it. If he didn't, he wouldn't have created it in the first place. She didn't care. And once she enacted the curse for him, he never really cared again.

_And still I dream he'll come to me  
That __we __will live__ the years __together_

"Madam Mayor, you've seem rather unhappy and lonely of late, so I've taken it upon myself to acquire you something that might help you to become a little more…even-tempered."

Regina raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Oh yeah?" These days the only thing that brought her pleasure other than watching Mr. Gold harass people about the rent was seeing Mary Margaret weak and feeling almost as lonely as her. To her shock, Mr. Gold reached under the counter and pulled out a blue bundle. A baby? How was this possible? Babies weren't supposed to be born in Storybrooke right now. Regina found herself not caring where the sweet little thing had come from as Mr. Gold placed him in her arms. The baby wriggled a little in the bundle. Regina held him close as he opened his big beautiful eyes. Eyes that ten years later would stare back at her definantly as he declared, "I found my _real_ Mom!"

_But there are dreams that cannot be  
And there are storms we cannot weather  
_  
Regina buried her face in the soft blue pillow and felt it soak up her tears. Alone in the world again. How could she have thought that Henry would ever accept her, let alone love her, once he was old enough to see her for who she really was? No one else ever had. At least no one who was still alive now. Her need for revenge was what drove people away. And yet it was all she had left.

_I had a dream my life would be  
So different from this hell I'm living_

She'd never given up hope that at the end of this, Henry would be hers. For ten years, he'd been Regina's son. Hers to pick up with he fell, to kiss when he cried, to hold when he was tired. He'd come to her with every bruise and scrape, then every hard homework assignment. She'd been willing to change for him, only for him. And now he'd just walked away from her. She'd saved Emma for him. And now that Emma was back, Henry would never truly be hers.

_So different now from what it seemed  
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed_

Life had killed _everything_ she'd ever dared to dream. In so many ways.


End file.
